Not Today, Death!

You are a Blart.  You take your job very seriously, even if no one else does.  Your job is one of the only good things in your sad, sad life.  You must uphold the ideals of your post with pride.  You must protect and serve.  Some threat is coming for your mall (or casino, or airport, or…), and only you can stop it!  Stay strong, and you will win!

...somehow.

Not Today, Death! is a simple tabletop roleplaying game inspired by Til Death Do Us Blart, a podcast inspired by Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2, a sequel inspired by Paul Blart: Mall Cop, a movie inspired by...

Listen, I'd rather not dwell on the machinations that led to the creation of Paul Blart:  Mall Cop.

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This game is a fan project and parody.  It has no official affiliation with Til Death Do Us Blart, Paul Blart:  Mall Cop, or Paul Blart Mall Cop 2.